How to Write a Great First Message on a Dating App

Crafting a compelling first message on a dating app can set the stage for meaningful connections and engaging conversations. A thoughtful and well-written initial message can differentiate you from the many generic greetings that potential matches receive daily. The key to writing a great first message lies in personalization, genuine interest, and a friendly tone. By focusing on these elements, you can make a positive impression and increase your chances of receiving a response.

When sending a first message, it’s essential to stand out from the crowd. Avoid clichéd greetings and instead take the time to craft a message that reflects your personality and shows that you’ve read the recipient’s profile. This approach not only demonstrates that you’re genuinely interested but also makes the conversation more enjoyable and engaging for both parties. Here are some tips and strategies to help you write a great first message on a dating app.

1. Personalize Your Message

• Reference specific details from their profile to show that you’ve read it. Mentioning their hobbies, interests, or something unique about them can grab their attention.
• Use their name in your message. Personalizing the greeting with their name can make your message feel more sincere and direct.
• Highlight common interests or shared experiences. Finding a common ground can create an instant connection and provide a natural conversation starter.
• Compliment something specific about their profile. Whether it’s a photo, a travel experience, or a hobby, a thoughtful compliment can make a great first impression.
• Avoid generic openers like “Hey” or “What’s up?” Personalization makes your message stand out and shows genuine interest.

2. Be Positive and Friendly

• Start with a warm and friendly tone. A positive attitude can set the stage for an enjoyable conversation.
• Use humor if appropriate. A light-hearted joke or a playful comment can make your message memorable and engaging.
• Express enthusiasm about getting to know them. Showing excitement can be contagious and encourage a positive response.
• Keep the tone casual and relaxed. Avoid being too formal or stiff, as it can create distance rather than connection.
• Use emojis sparingly to add a touch of friendliness and personality to your message.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

• Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. This encourages a more in-depth conversation and helps you learn more about them.
• Tailor your questions to their interests. If they mention loving hiking, ask about their favorite trails or recent hiking adventures.
• Avoid overly personal or intrusive questions. Keep the initial conversation light and fun.
• Balance questions with sharing something about yourself. This creates a two-way conversation rather than an interrogation.
• Use questions to steer the conversation towards topics you’re both interested in, facilitating a more engaging dialogue.

4. Keep It Concise and Clear

• Aim for a message that is long enough to show effort but short enough to be easily read. A few sentences are typically a good length.
• Avoid overwhelming them with too much information. Save deeper conversations for later messages.
• Make sure your message is easy to understand. Clear and concise writing can make a stronger impact.
• Proofread your message before sending it. Correct spelling and grammar reflect thoughtfulness and attention to detail.
• Use simple language and avoid jargon. Clarity helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps the conversation flowing smoothly.

5. Show Genuine Interest

• Focus on them and what makes them unique. Genuine interest can make your message more engaging and impactful.
• Share a bit about yourself that relates to their interests. This helps build a connection and shows common ground.
• Avoid making the conversation all about you. Balance sharing information about yourself with asking about them.
• Be sincere in your compliments and questions. Authenticity is attractive and fosters trust.
• Follow up on their responses with thoughtful replies. Showing continued interest keeps the conversation lively and engaging.

6. Be Respectful and Polite

• Respect their boundaries and avoid pushing for personal information too quickly.
• Use polite language and good manners. Kindness and respect are fundamental to building a positive connection.
• Avoid controversial or sensitive topics in the first message. Keep the conversation light and neutral initially.
• Show appreciation for their time. A simple “Thanks for reading my message” can go a long way.
• Respect their response time. Give them space to reply without following up too quickly or frequently.

7. Highlight Your Sense of Humor

• Incorporate a fun or witty comment related to something in their profile. Humor can make your message stand out and create a light-hearted atmosphere.
• Share a funny anecdote or a clever observation. Laughter can be a great icebreaker and help establish rapport.
• Use humor that aligns with their interests or profile content. This shows you’ve paid attention and adds a personal touch.
• Avoid humor that could be misinterpreted or offensive. Keep it friendly and inclusive.
• Balance humor with sincerity. While jokes can lighten the mood, showing genuine interest is equally important.

8. Avoid Overused Openers

• Steer clear of overused phrases like “Hi” or “How are you?”. These generic openers often go unnoticed.
• Create a unique opener that reflects your personality. A distinctive message can capture their attention more effectively.
• Tailor your opener to the platform. Different dating apps might have different cultures or expectations for initial messages.
• Avoid using pickup lines. They often come across as insincere or clichéd.
• Focus on crafting a message that is both original and relevant to their profile.

9. Mention Shared Connections

• If the app indicates mutual friends or connections, mention them. This can be a great icebreaker and adds a level of familiarity.
• Discuss common interests or experiences you both share. This can instantly create a bond and make the conversation flow more naturally.
• Highlight any mutual groups or events you might both be a part of. This gives you something in common to talk about.
• Use shared connections as a way to introduce yourself. For example, “I noticed we both love [shared interest]. Have you ever tried [related activity]?”
• Be genuine in your mentions. Avoid forcing connections that don’t really exist.

10. Follow Up Thoughtfully

• If they respond, continue the conversation with thoughtful and relevant questions or comments.
• Reflect on what they’ve shared and build on it. This shows you’re listening and interested in what they have to say.
• Share more about yourself as the conversation progresses. Gradually opening up helps build trust and rapport.
• Keep the conversation balanced. Make sure both of you are contributing equally to the dialogue.
• Stay patient and understanding. Don’t pressure them for quick replies or personal information too soon.

Writing a great first message on a dating app involves a combination of personalization, genuine interest, and a friendly tone. By focusing on these elements, you can make a memorable first impression and lay the foundation for meaningful conversations. Remember, the goal is to engage in a way that feels natural and enjoyable for both you and your potential match.