How to Avoid Favoritism When Friends with Your Subordinate

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When you’re friends with a subordinate, avoiding favoritism is crucial to maintaining a fair and professional work environment. Favoritism, whether intentional or perceived, can erode team morale, create resentment, and damage your credibility as a leader. Balancing your personal relationship with your responsibilities as a manager requires careful attention to boundaries, transparency, and consistent decision-making.

This blog will explore strategies for avoiding favoritism when you’re friends with a subordinate, helping you manage this complex relationship while ensuring fairness and respect in the workplace.

1. Establish Clear Boundaries Between Work and Friendship

Keep personal and professional interactions separate. Clearly define when you’re acting as a manager and when you’re a friend, ensuring that work-related decisions are not influenced by your personal relationship.
Avoid discussing work issues in social settings. Keep work conversations out of personal time to prevent conflicts of interest and ensure that decisions are made in a professional context.
Set expectations with your friend. Have an open conversation about how to manage your friendship in a way that doesn’t affect your professional responsibilities or create tension within the team.
Respect workplace norms and policies. Adhere to the company’s guidelines regarding relationships in the workplace, and ensure that your actions align with organizational standards.
Be consistent in applying these boundaries. Upholding these boundaries consistently helps maintain a clear distinction between your professional and personal relationships.

2. Make Decisions Based on Merit and Objectivity

Base all decisions on objective criteria. When making decisions about promotions, assignments, or performance evaluations, ensure that your choices are driven by clear, measurable standards.
Use standardized evaluation processes. Develop and use consistent criteria for evaluating all team members, ensuring that your friend is held to the same standards as everyone else.
Involve others in decision-making when necessary. If you’re concerned about your ability to remain objective, seek input from other managers or HR to provide additional perspectives on your decisions.
Avoid giving your friend special treatment. Treat your friend the same way you would treat any other employee, avoiding any actions that could be perceived as favoritism.
Document your decisions and the reasons behind them. Keeping a record of your decisions and the criteria used to make them can help demonstrate that your choices were fair and objective.

3. Communicate Transparently and Openly

Be upfront about the challenges of managing a friend. Acknowledge the potential difficulties and make it clear that you’re committed to treating your friend fairly and professionally.
Encourage open dialogue about work-related issues. Foster an environment where your friend and other team members feel comfortable discussing concerns related to fairness or favoritism.
Keep feedback focused on performance. When providing feedback to your friend, concentrate on their work performance and avoid letting personal feelings influence the conversation.
Address any concerns about favoritism directly. If other team members express concerns, listen to them and address the issues openly, reinforcing your commitment to fairness.
Communicate your decisions clearly to the entire team. Ensure that everyone understands the rationale behind your decisions to avoid any perceptions of favoritism.

4. Maintain Professionalism in the Workplace

Treat all team members equally. Regardless of your personal relationship, ensure that your interactions with your friend are consistent with how you treat other employees.
Avoid showing favoritism in assignments or opportunities. Distribute tasks, projects, and opportunities fairly, based on each team member’s skills and performance, not on your personal relationship.
Keep personal interactions private. Avoid discussing your friendship with your subordinate in the workplace to prevent it from becoming a topic of gossip or concern among other team members.
Maintain a professional demeanor in all work-related settings. Even in casual interactions, ensure that your behavior aligns with the expectations of the workplace.
Reinforce the importance of maintaining workplace norms. Encourage your friend to respect the professional boundaries you’ve set, both in their interactions with you and with others.

5. Hold Your Friend Accountable to the Same Standards

Provide honest and constructive feedback. When giving feedback to your friend, ensure that it is objective and focused on their work performance, just as you would with any other employee.
Avoid leniency or special treatment. Hold your friend accountable to the same standards as the rest of the team, ensuring that they meet deadlines, expectations, and performance goals.
Address performance issues directly and professionally. If your friend is underperforming, have a candid conversation about their performance, focusing on the work and not the personal relationship.
Apply consistent processes for feedback and discipline. Ensure that the same procedures are followed for all team members, including your friend, to maintain fairness.
Encourage your friend to view feedback as an opportunity for growth. Reinforce that constructive criticism is part of their professional development and not a reflection of your personal relationship.

6. Foster an Inclusive Team Environment

Ensure that all team members feel valued and included. Actively work to prevent any perception that your friend is receiving special treatment or preferential access to information or opportunities.
Promote team collaboration and equity. Encourage team activities and decision-making processes that involve all members equally, ensuring that everyone has a voice and feels respected.
Be mindful of how your interactions with your friend are perceived. Avoid excessive private meetings or socializing with your friend during work hours that could make other team members feel excluded.
Celebrate team successes collectively. Recognize the contributions of all team members, not just your friend, to reinforce the importance of everyone’s role in the team’s achievements.
Encourage open communication within the team. Foster a culture where all team members feel comfortable raising concerns or sharing ideas, helping to build trust and collaboration.

7. Seek Feedback and Support

Regularly ask for feedback from your team. Encourage your team members to share their thoughts on how you’re managing the group, including any concerns they might have about fairness or bias.
Seek input from other managers or HR when necessary. If you’re unsure about a decision or concerned about favoritism, consult with other managers or HR to ensure you’re handling the situation appropriately.
Be open to feedback from your friend. Encourage your friend to share their perspective on how you’re managing the friendship and the professional relationship, and be willing to make adjustments as needed.
Consult with a mentor or HR for guidance. If you’re facing challenges in managing your friend, seek advice from a trusted mentor or HR to ensure you’re handling the situation appropriately.
Continuously assess your management approach. Reflect on how well you’re maintaining boundaries and fairness in your role, making adjustments as needed to ensure professionalism and objectivity.

8. Reassess the Friendship If Necessary

Recognize when the friendship is affecting your work. If your relationship with your friend is compromising your ability to manage effectively or creating tension within the team, it may be time to reassess.
Be prepared to adjust the dynamics of the relationship. If necessary, consider taking a step back from the friendship to focus on your responsibilities as a manager.
Prioritize your long-term career goals. If the friendship is hindering your professional development or creating challenges within the team, prioritize your career and make decisions accordingly.
Seek advice from HR or a mentor if needed. If you’re unsure how to navigate the situation, consult with HR or a trusted mentor for guidance on how to proceed.
Consider the long-term impact on your leadership. Reflect on how the friendship is affecting your reputation and leadership effectiveness, and take steps to ensure that your professional success remains your top priority.

9. Follow Up Regularly

Schedule regular check-ins with your friend. Regularly discuss their performance, goals, and any concerns they might have to ensure that you’re both aligned on expectations and progress.
Monitor your management style. Continuously assess whether you’re treating your friend fairly and equitably, making adjustments as needed to maintain professionalism.
Seek feedback from the broader team. Regularly ask for input from other team members to ensure that your management style is perceived as fair and inclusive.
Document key decisions and feedback. Keep records of your evaluations and decisions related to your friend to ensure transparency and accountability.
Reflect on the relationship and your role. Continuously evaluate how well you’re balancing your professional responsibilities with your personal relationship, making changes as necessary to uphold fairness.

Avoiding favoritism when you’re friends with a subordinate requires a careful balance of professionalism, transparency, and fairness. By establishing clear boundaries, making objective decisions, and fostering an inclusive team environment, you can effectively manage this complex relationship while ensuring that all team members feel valued and respected. Remember, the key to avoiding favoritism is to prioritize your responsibilities as a leader while nurturing a positive and supportive workplace for everyone.